Ouran for Dummies
by CyraAngel
Summary: Rules and Lessons, and some thoughts about OHSHC. This is a collaboration between Cyra Hafise and mcangel1976. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer... We don't own Ouran or its characters, but this is just for fun anyway. LOL._**

**_Ouran for Dummies – This is a list of Lessons/Rules and thoughts the authors have compiled to guide you through your Ouran journey. This is all done in good humor and is in no way intended to bash anyone's favorite ship/pairing. It is purely for entertainment and fun. We hope you enjoy. (This is a collaboration between mcangel1976 and Cyra Hafise)_**

**The Lessons/Rules:**

1. Ouran's Host Club is not full of gay men… well maybe Tamaki.

It is acceptable to write yaoi pairings though, just note that it is only because in FF anything is possible and it is not the truth.

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2. Everyone in the Host Club is actually smart and has a brain (yes, even Tamaki although he doesn't always act like it). They also know how to use their brains to think for themselves.

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3. No the twins really aren't incestuous (please refer to the addendum on #1)

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4. Yes, Kyoya does know everything, so please do not bother to try and hide anything. Yes, he really can send you out of the country if he wanted to and he does have an army at his disposal.

Kyoya is not evil unless you cross him, and then let's face it… you have it coming.

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5. Honey is not 5 and does not always act as such. It is an act for the club and he is #1 in his class academically in addition to being a top martial arts expert. He can take you down if you cross him, one of his friends, or do something to Usa-Chan. Just because Honey is small and sweet does not mean he needs looking after. He does not force anyone to do anything or to be at his beck and call. Unless of course you cross him, then you are on your own.

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6. Takashi Morinozuka aka "Mori" is not a robot. He is a loyal caring man who enjoys helping his small cousin even if he doesn't need it.

The following addendums are for #5 and #6

i. They help each other because they care and are best friends and family. Family supports and looks after each other.

ii. They can and do get along fine without each other and are not up each other's butts 24/7. They have their own lives away from each other (i.e. Mori and kendo).

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7. Haruhi is dense only when it comes to love. This does not mean she does not have feelings and cannot read other emotions coming from people, or that she cannot read people accurately. It is only when they have strong feelings that surpass friendship that she misses it completely.

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8. Not all Otaku are as crazy as Renge. She is special.

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9. No… you **CANNOT** kiss the hosts. They are not your boyfriends. They are hosts and ergo it is fake and make-believe. (But we understand and are right there with you)

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10. Mori can talk and does so quite often, but only when he can get in a word edgewise and/or when he has something important to say. Thus you should heed his words and listen to him very carefully. Probably more so than the others because he does not spout nonsense like Tamaki and the twins.

You wouldn't talk a lot either if you had to deal with Tamaki and the twins. Mori knows it's useless to try talking around them so he only does it when absolutely necessary.

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11. Always… **ALWAYS** double check what the twins tell you. They will play jokes on you when they are bored and nobody is safe from them.

It is a good idea to **ALWAYS** double check your sources (i.e. Kyoya… he is the best out there).

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12. Don't ever give in to Tamaki's tantrums. He is delusional and doesn't need encouraging. It is hard… we know and understand, but your best option is to just ignore him.

If you need to call in reinforcements.

i. Best option: Kyoya

Reason must be deemed worthy enough of his time and provide ample merit. If reason does not or he is too busy… go with 2nd best.

ii. Second best: Haruhi

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13. Just because Kyoya says he is busy, doesn't mean he is. He needs encouragement and to find merit in whatever he does.

Do not be fooled by his gruff exterior and Shadow King ways… he goes for both tangible and intangible merits (for example please refer to Kyoya's Reluctant Day Out).

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14. No matter how many times Tamaki may insist and call for "Mommy's" help, Haruhi is not his daughter.

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15. No matter how often Tamaki insists on calling Kyoya "Mommy", Kyoya is not a girl and cannot bear children.

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16. Tamaki, no matter how nice and gentlemanly he is… is still a pervert.

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17. The twins are perverts too and will use their fashion knowledge as a way of trying to look at, touch, etc. Haruhi more than the others.

This addendum is for both #16 and #17…

i. The only real gentleman besides Kyoya, Honey, and Mori is Kasanoda.

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18. Usa-Chan is also a member of the Host Club and not just a stuffed rabbit. **DO NOT** disrespect the bunny.

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19. Do not be mistaken, Haruhi is in fact a girl. So I do apologize ladies, but please stop throwing yourselves at her. It won't work for many reasons.

Sorry Renge she is a girl and is not into a relationship with you. She may look like a boy, but that is because she really doesn't care about her looks and has a debt to repay.

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20. Although Kyoya may show some feeling periodically, he does not how it on a normal basis. It is a rare occurrence and only for those special few people. Usually only happens in a one on one setting.

He will **not** share his feelings with his father or family members. The only exception to the rule is Fuyumi, his sister.

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21. Never mess with Haruhi. You will have two very skilled martial artists after you in no time flat.

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22. If somehow you get past Hunny and Mori, you will have to deal with Kyoya. (Please refer to #4). He does count Haruhi as a friend, and he protects his friends.

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23. You better hope you don't get past Kyoya and his Black Onion Squad because we can guarantee that Mori and Hunny will be back and you don't want to deal with "Dark/Black Honey".

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24. Never think you can put one over on the Host Club, they will always find out. Just ask the Newspaper Club.

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25. Do not listen to Tamaki. He doesn't know everything and knows even less about commoners and what it really means to be one.

Tamaki is only good for producing mushroom related foods.

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26. Satoshi and Chika are their own people.

They both respect their brothers; it is just that Chika has issues with cake and cute things, and admitting he likes a few cute things too.

Satoshi is shinai crazy when it comes to Chika, but he usually feels he has just cause.

They have a relationship similar to Mori and Honey.

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27. Hikaru is the older less mature twin. Kaoru is the younger more mature twin that tries to cover for his brother and helps him to grow/broaden past his little world.

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28. One should respect the author and creator of Ouran High School Host Club and her choice of romantic interest for Haruhi.

It is perfectly acceptable to ship a different pairing.

(see thoughts section for authors' theory on this)

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29. Contrary to popular belief (mainly theirs), the girls at Lobelia are actually worse than Tamaki and the twins, but they do possess similar characteristics and tactics.

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30. Haruhi's father, Ranka, may be a cross dresser, but don't let that fool you… he will tear you to shreds if you touch or hurt his little girl.

As for Tamaki, he does it for the sheer pleasure.

**Thoughts:**

Have you ever wondered what Kyoya does all day on his computer? Our theory is that he writes fan fiction and is the creator of the Haruhi/Kyoya ship.

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The reason Haruhi ended up with Tamaki is because the Shadow King forced the author to write it that way. In reality it is either one of two options…

Kyoya is with Haruhi and felt bad for stealing her from his best friend. Thus in order to placate Tamaki in some way, he made the author write Haruhi with Tamaki in the end.

Mori is with Haruhi and wanted to be in the background so that he could continue to protect her and not have to deal with an overabundant number of fangirls. Putting all of the limelight on Tamaki, allows him to watch over her and not get distracted. Kyoya helped him with this problem and forced the author to write her with Tamaki.

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Have you ever wondered why Tamaki calls Mori and Honey neighbors? Think about it… the twins are sons, Haruhi is the daughter, and Kyoya is Mommy. Why are Mori and Hunny neighbors? We have a theory…

First let's point out that they could be uncles or cousins, or some other family member, but they aren't. He specifically calls them neighbors.

They are labeled more as outcasts than family.

We believe Tamaki sees them more as serious competition for Haruhi's heart. He was threatened by them and realized that they truly were not part of the "homosexual supporting cast".

The others are family and therefore not true contenders for her hand.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Due to popular demand, we have written a second chapter of Ouran for Dummies. If you would like to see more chapters, please let us know… And if you have some rules that you would like to see added, please put them in the review or pm us. We would gladly add and give you credit. XD**

Ouran for Dummies – Chapter 2

_**The lessons/rules:**_

**1.** Remember that although Honey uses –Chan and a nick name for most people (i.e. Haru-Chan is Haruhi, Kyo-Chan is Kyoya, Chika-Chan is Yasuchika and so forth); he does not use a nick name for Mori. So no matter how much you think he will call Mori, Mori, that is not the case. He only calls him Takashi.

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**2.** In addition to rule #1, Mori does not call Honey, Honey. He calls his cousin by his first name and that is Mitsukuni.

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**3.** Ranka's real name is Ryouji Fujioka. Ranka is a stage name he uses at the bar he works at. It is not his legal name. However, it is what he asks people to call him more often than not.

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**4.** We all know that when Mori has something he wants to say, he will talk (i.e. Chika's Down with Honey Declaration), however, he will become very clingy and talkative/lovey dovey when he is tired. When this happens, he needs a nap. Call Honey, he can help put his cousin to bed.

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**5.** Eye color is important. For example, Haruhi doesn't have any color besides brown and Mori cannot have black because then his iris and pupil would match and he would look like a hungry vampire from Twilight:

Mori: grey, steel, silver, silvery, and slate. If you watch the anime closely, they are a dark grey.

Kyoya: grey or brown

Honey: Brown

Tamaki: Violet or blue

Hikaru/Kaoru: hazel or gold

Haruhi: brown

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**6.** We know that it may seem shocking, but Honey is not the only one that carries around a stuffed animal. Tamaki has Kuma-Chan (his bear) and Nekozawa has Beelzenef (the cat puppet).

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**7.** Senpai is used for people that are in a high grade or people with more experience on the job. However since we are talking about Ouran, it is used for higher grades. So Mori and Honey would never call any of the other hosts senpai (could also be spelled sempai). At the same time, the only time Haruhi and the twins would be called senpai, would be by someone younger, i.e. Chika or Satoshi. They would not be called senpai by the other hosts.

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**8.** In regards to the Black Magic Club… not all members are afraid or try to run from bright lights. Reiko is an example. She doesn't always wear black and she walks outside without any issues.

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**9.** There are only three demons of the Host Club, not more and not less. They are Honey, Kyoya, and Haruhi. They are the only ones that exhibit a demonic aura. Everyone else can get mad, but they do not turn into a demon.

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**10.** Tamaki's mushrooms are cultivated for the good of all mankind and our meals. They are sold to feed people and create wonderful dishes like omelets and stuffed mushrooms. They are not the hallucinogenic variety… if they were everyone at Ouran would be high all of the time.

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**11.** Ranka has never, and will never, like Tamaki. He prefers Kyoya or the others over that "idiot". At the end of the manga, he accepted the blond, but he still did not like him.

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**12.** Tamaki may have his serious moments and be able to help people, but he is still completely clueless.

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**13.** Kyoya puts up with Tamaki's crazy ideas because it is easier than dealing with a depressed princely host. Tamaki is still the highest grossing and most popular host, and the club needs to keep their profits up.

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**14.** It isn't that Nekozawa can't walk without the wig and the cloak; he just doesn't feel comfortable without them. We all have our quirks and things we don't like.

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**15.** Nekozawa cares more about his sister than himself or anything else. He demonstrated it by telling Tamaki to act as her big brother and to make her happy. Another example is taking those chilling and scary lessons from the resident Otaku, Renge; or when he jumped out the window. He apparently is willing to go through hell for Kirimi.

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**16.** Contrary to something posted on one of the Ouran FB sites, Kendo is considered a martial art not only in the United States and western countries, but also in Japan and other Asian cultures.

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**17.** All seven hosts have their fathers mentioned in either the anime or the manga. However, Hikaru and Kaoru's father goes by Mr. Hitachiin and he took his wife's name. It never mentions his first name. The others are given and thus there is no need to create new names:

Tamaki: Yuzuru Suoh

Kyoya: Yoshio Ootori

Mori: Akira Morinozuka

Honey: Yorihisa Haninozuka

Haruhi: Ryouji "Ranka" Fujioka

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**18.** The only mothers mentioned by name are the following:

Haruhi: Kotoko Fujioka

Tamaki: Anna-Sophia Grantaine

Hikaru and Kaoru: Yuzuha Hitachiin

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**19.** Mori was not asked to join the Host Club because of his cousin. He was asked separately to join apart from Honey; ergo his membership was based solely on his own merits and not of his cousin's (see theories for our reasoning).

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**20.** There are only two hosts that do not have any siblings, and that is Tamaki and Haruhi. The twins have each other and then later on a little sister named Ageha Hitachiin. Kyoya has 2 brothers (Yuuichi and Akito) and 1 sister (Fuyumi). Mori has one brother (Satoshi). Honey has one brother (Yasuchika/Chika). It is perfectly acceptable in fanfiction to create new siblings, but not to ignore the current. LOL.

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_**Theories (we offer these to you for your consideration):**_

**1.** As we have stated before, Mori was not asked to join the Host Club because of his cousin. He was asked separately to join apart from Honey, which is actually shown in the anime. He was asked to join for the following reasons: connections, friendship, breaking out of his shell, networking, trying something new, and learning who he really is apart from school and family obligations.

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**2.** Honey allows everyone to believe he is cute, childish, and innocent outside of club activities… well besides his family who know the real him. Acting as such will allow him to gather information and observe without being looked upon as a threat or danger. He is just as observant as Mori and Kyoya. Who would even think to censor themselves when the cute and innocent Honey-senpai is around cuddling Usa-Chan?

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**3.** Ranka was the first one to suggest the Kyoya/Haruhi ship in passing to Kyoya. He loves the resident Shadow King and thought he would be perfect for his daughter. Kyoya liked the sound of the pairing and thus (as stated in chapter 1) he created the Kyoya/Haruhi ship.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Here is the third installment of Ouran for Dummies. Thank you to sapphireanguill for the help, and for shaeneice for the suggestion of providing a list of characteristics that make each host ideal for Haruhi. We hope you like our added lessons, rules, and theories.**

_**The lessons/rules:**_

**1. **Haruhi has a lot of patience and is able to deal with each host, she has learned this by having to take on adult responsibilities at a young age and dealing this her eccentric father. Although she may be dense when it comes to love, she is able to read the hosts and see the characteristics that make them each unique (as long as it doesn't have to do with the subject of wooing).

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**2. **What are the characteristics that make each host ideal for Haruhi?

_**Kyoya:** _sexy, Haruhi wouldn't care about family money, sees the real Kyoya, he respects her as a woman and student, would love him for him and he would love her for her.

_**Mori:** _sexy, protective, loving, soft spoken, caring, gentle.

_**Honey:** _fun loving, cute, observant, caring.

_**Hikaru:**_ loves Haruhi because she was able to help expand his world, passionate (but this comes across as immature and thus he acts like baka and a jealous one at that).

_**Kaoru:** _helped expand his world, more observant than his brother, more mature than Hikaru, strives to see his brother happy showing he cares about others.

_**Tamaki:** _really does care and wants to learn about her lifestyle, he wants to help her (when he isn't trying to kill her with his glomps of death)

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**3. **Before Tamaki came into Kyoya's life, he was working to help his father and his brothers as he was instructed to do (i.e. befriend Tamaki); he was not attempting to become the heir. He didn't think it was in the cards for him because he was the third son and therefore did not believe he had the right to it, and this made him jealous of Tamaki. However, after he met Tamaki, his dream changed and he decided that he would try to become the heir of the Ootori Zaibatsu.

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**4. ** Chika is not always harsh and hateful. He does respect his brother and does have a soft spot for cute things, especially baby chicks. In fact in the manga after the hosts leave for Boston, he and Satoshi set up a new club that takes care of baby animals.

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**5. **Mori has a special connection with animals and loves them.

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**6. **Honey may be cute, but he is still Japan's weapon of mass destruction.

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**7. **Satoshi may be louder than his brother, but he worships Mori and wants to get his approval. He is harsh on Chika because he loves him and wants to make sure he does not grow up to be a brat.

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**8. **Tamaki tries to gain Ranka's approval, but Ranka never really likes Tamaki and the only reason he approves is because he trusts his daughter… not the blond baka.

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**9. **Chika's glasses are fake. He does not need them to see, in fact he wears them to distort his view of his brother (we the authors find this fact very sad, but are happy that he eventually grows out of this phase).

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**10. **Renge actually does care about the Host Club and not only Haruhi and Kyoya. She is extreme in her communications, but if she didn't care, she shouldn't have helped Shiro become the naughty host.

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_**Theories (we offer these to you for your consideration):**_

**1. **Kyoya wears a dress in two episodes because he loves Haruhi. The first episode is when he dresses up for Haruhi because he, like Tamaki, is afraid that she will leave the club unless they can prove to her that they really do care and want her to stay. The second episode is at the end of the Wonderland episode, he is dressed as the Queen of Hearts. He will only dress this way for Haruhi no matter how much nagging Tamaki does. However, we do realize that on the flip side, some readers could and will argue that he did it for Tamaki… and that is another theory to consider, but that would go against lesson #1 in the 1st chapter.

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**2. **Honey eats sweets and embraces his cute nature in order to push his brother more. Knowing his brother will hate him and try to take him down, Honey has embraced the things that are opposite of what he has been taught. Yes, it is still a part of who he is and it makes him happy, but what makes him even prouder is through the last few years, Chika has gotten even stronger and is closer to Honey's level of mastery now.

**A/N2: If you have any theories or rules/lessons that you think should be added, please let us know in a review or my pm. Thanks everyone!**


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